How to Sleep Through the Recession

In: Other Topics

Submitted By ipugu
Words 1341
Pages 6
20 Steps to sleep thru a recession

When the word ‘recession’ is utterred, what springs to your mind?
Chances are, there will be pictures of men in working caps and shabby, worn-out jackets, bearing ‘will work for food’ signs. Hard work to earn your bread and butter, with more hard work for dessert. In other words, an idler’s hell.

Or is it? Bless your pillows, the end might not be nigh. This is a guide, sculpted and polished by personal experience, that will try to tuck you back in bed.

Step 1:
Get a job. [doesn’t sound like we’re off to a good start, does it?]
Overplay all your (or anybody’s) qualities beyond belief and reason. Make up intricate stories for the qualities you don’t have. Remember, CV should always stand for Creative Void when you’re writing it.

That should make it quite easy for you to get a pretty good, highly-paying job, especially if you are going for the services business where no one asks you any real rocket science questions in the interviews.

Target a firm that is bound to face trouble (the adjective ‘new’ before the sector of the company tends to work quite well: look out for new economy, new media sectors).

Now that you have presented yourself as The UltraEmployee(, there will be few people who will resist your Oxbridge PhDs, your JavaScript excellence and the 5 languages in which you are fluent.

Step 2:
Once in, don’t work too hard. [getting better, huh?]
Anyway, if you do, it will become evident that the only reason you chose to specialise in Javascript is because the latter half of the word seems familiar, unlike all the other jargon that you cannot dream to spell.

Step 3:
You might even ask for a raise.

Step 4.
Be as bold, ruthless or even outright rude as you like at the office. It will probably make you look even more like the hotshot that you’re supposed to be. You will probably get that raise, too:…...

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